Being A Not Perfect Parent

Over the past week I have been thinking about my kids and the impossible task of being a perfect parent. I love all my kids more than anything in this world and I want more than anything to be a perfect parent to them. I have a fantasy about how a perfect parent should act. The more and more I build up this fantasy the more I realize that I will never be this perfect parent. With realizing this I decided to write an apology to my children listing some of my bad mommy moments.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy has road rage sometimes. I realized this has become a problem when at every red light (or just stopping) you yell "COME ON!" I will try to do better in the future.

Dear Eli, I am sorry that I have dropped my phone on your face while cuddling when you were a younger baby. Now that you have had surgery, I will not hold my phone directly above us while cuddling.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry that I am so hard on you. I just want you to grow up to be a caring and responsible person. I know I need to settle down and let you be a kid.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy and daddy (sorry dear, but I am not going to take full blame for this one) swear. When we went to the doctors office and when you were playing a game on mommy's phone, every time you messed up you would say "da*mit." After I picked my jaw up off of the floor I realized we should really watch what we say, even if we say it by accident.

Dear Eli, I am sorry that I am now making you sleep in your own bed and in your own room. I wanted to be that perfect parent that never had their child sleep with them and their children were happy and comfortable in their own beds. I wasn't able to do that with you and now I hope you forgive me for letting you cry it out. Mama is so tired and needs sleep.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry for taking control over a lot of things you do. I know I can be over bearing at times and I need to be okay with letting you make your own decisions. You are a big girl and you should be given that opportunity more.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy doesn't always take you outside and plan super fun days with you. Sometimes the days get overwhelming and I am very busy. I will try to do at least one fun thing with you a day.

Dear Eli, mommy is sorry that sometimes she needs a break from you. I wish I could handle spending every moment of every day with you but I cant. Sometimes mommy needs alone time.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry that you see daddy and mommy argue sometimes. It doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen to our family, it just means that we have an issue we need to work out. We will try to handle differences in a different way but know that no matter what we both love you.

Now that I aired out some of my faults (not all of them because you would be reading this for days) I wanted to name at least one thing I love about each of my kids.

Bridgette, I love how smart you are and how much you love to learn. I am so proud of you every day and how much effort you give when it comes to schooling. I cant wait to see what you grow up to be.

Emelia, I am so proud of how caring you are. I know that if anyone gets hurt (even hurt feelings) you are there to give them a huge huge and kiss and make them feel better. Your compassion towards others is a great thing and I hope you never loose it.

Eli, I am so proud of such a strong little guy you are. You have gone though so much and you are not even a year old yet. You spend every day with a smile on your face and you don't let things faze you. That strength you keep with you will take you places. Just don't think you always have to be strong, even the strongest people need help sometimes.

Every day I hope that my children grow up knowing how much I love them. I might yell at times and lose my cool but my love for them will never waver. Some days I need to realize that my children are just as imperfect as I am and that is what makes us wonderfully human. The faults we have make us who we are just as much as the accomplishments. To all those other mommies out there that are struggling with trying to be the perfect parent. You might make mistakes but you are a wonderful parent and as long as you LOVE your children, the mistakes you make wont matter much.

Peace and Love,