Scary World We Live In

Have you seen the news lately? It is terrifying the world we live in. A woman cuts a baby from its mothers womb, a mother decapitates her baby, two children's remains were found in their mothers freezer, and very close to my house another store clerk was shot dead in his convenience store. I know bad things happen all the time and they have been happening for quite a while. It just seems like lately things are getting out of control! The children in the freezer and the convenience store owner were both from Michigan and within an hour away from me. The convenience store in which the owner was shot is about 5 minutes away from me. This is the second shooting within the year that we have lived here that was in my city.

I know what a lot of people are saying. The world is a horrible place and the fact that a lot of people don't follow God anymore is the reason. That may be true but I personally know some people who don't believe in God and they are good people with morals. Just because someone doesn't believe in God doesn't make them not have morals. I do wish more people followed Jesus and his teachings but that is their choice to make, not mine. There are people that do bad things who are Christians. I know that people are saying the devil is running rampant. The fact is satan might have a part in this, but these are humans committing these acts. I think satan gets blamed for a lot of things that he only has a small roll in. Yeah, he might be that little voice whispering in the background but the fact is these people made the choice to do these horrible things. They were not being possessed into doing it. It was their choice.

So, because I need a little positivity today I decided to look up 5 people that are doing good around the world. I truly believe for every evil person out there there is at least 5 good people. I want to see the good in the world and believe that this world has an enormous amount of goodness to it. There are very wonderful people out there that are caring, compassionate, and all around good people. So, I hope you can read this when you are getting sad and afraid of this world and it helps to create some positivity for you too. I am an optimist at heart so I really like to see the positives instead of the negatives.

Amazing Person Number 1: Amanda Plunkett

I decided to start with one of my friends that I met through church. I told you about her heartbreaking story in an earlier post in my blog and I feel like she is the type of person you need to read about. If you want to read my blog post about her story please click here. She took her heartbreak over losing her baby and have helped out so many other families. Amanda Plunkett you are such a bright star in this world and I am so happy to know you. She makes care packages for families that have lost their babies. The hospital that she had her son at also now has something called a cuddle cot thanks to her. A cuddle cot is a refrigerated bassinet that allows the parents to keep their baby in their room with them instead of being sent to the morgue. Owens Gift now provides its care packages for numerous hospitals around Michigan. If you want to learn more about Owens Gift please click here.

Amazing Person Number 2: Lee Jong-rak

You might have already heard about this amazing person. There is a documentary that is about him and what he is doing called The Drop Box. Lee Jong-rak is a Pastor in South Korea. He had created something called a baby box after seeing how many orphaned babies are just left on the street to die. A baby box is a metal box to place unwanted babies. Inside of the box has heating lights and a thick towel to cover the bottom to keep the baby comfortable. When a baby is put in the box a bell rings. After the bell rings Pastor Lee, his wife, or another staff member come to move the baby inside. From what I have read about Pastor Lee, he has saved 652 children. He is legal guardian to 19 children, including two of his own. This man has so much love to share and he is another light in this world.

Amazing Person Number 3: Chris Rosati (Also Anna and Cate Cameron)

Chris Rosati suffers from ALS or amytrophic lateral sclerosis but that doesn't stop him from being an all around good person. While eating at a diner in North Carolina, Chris gave two sisters he saw eating $50 a piece and told them to do something kind. The girls names are Cate and Anna and what they did with the money is amazing. The girls sent the money to a village in Sierra Leone to host a feast to celebrate being and remaining Ebola-free. This is just one thing that Rosati has done. In 2014 he caught the attention of Krispy Kreme Donuts by saying he wanted to "steal" a donut truck to hand out free donuts in his hometown. Krispy Kreme sent him a cruiser and he was able to hand out free treats for a day. He also started a nonprofit called Inspire Media which created Big Ideas for the Greater Good or BIGG. What BIGG does is challenges kids to come up with ideas that make a positive impact on the world. Chris does so much good for this world and the fact he is inspiring children to make a positive difference is amazing!

Amazing Person Number 4- Ray Umashankar and his daughter Nita

For this amazing person you get two for the price of one! This daddy-daughter team are changing the lives of women and children that have been affected by the sex trade industry in India. The organization they made is called Achieving Sustainable Social Equality through Technology or ASSET India Foundation. What they do is help educate these women and children by teaching them computer and conversational English skills. They partner with non-profit organizations in India to leverage relationships with the sex-worker community and help these women find jobs. Recently they have made sanitary pads available to girls in India so that they can stay in school! They are doing fantastic things for people that have been through a lot of trauma and have a lot of negativity surrounding them! They are changing these women and children's lives!

Amazing Person Number 5- Alex McKelvey

This amazing person is only 8 years old! In a year Alex performed 600 acts of kindness in honor of her late grandmother after her family performed 60 acts of kindness over the span of a year to celebrate her grandmothers 60th birthday. Some of her acts of kindness have been giving out laundry kits with soap, leaving quarters in candy dispensers, and helping to renovate the Youth Center in Lakewood, Washington by helping paint and collecting donations. These are just a few acts of kindness that she has done. If you want to see all of her acts of kindness her mother documented them on Instagram. Her user name is @actsofflowingkindness and she uses the hashtag #FORLINDA. Alex is just getting started too. She wants to do thousands and even millions acts of kindness. This little girl brings so much hope to future generations and my only hope is that many more kids learn a thing or two from her!


Those are just 5 (okay, a couple more than 5) people that are making a positive difference in this world. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of people doing wonderful things. Some people are doing small things and some are doing large things but each is making a positive impact in this world. There is a quote out there that says "Believe there is good in the world" and some parts of the quote are highlighted to say "Be the good in the world." So, my question to you is what good things are you doing to make this world a better place?


Peace and Love,

11 Months

Today my little man is 11 months old. I cannot believe he is turning a year old next month! I mean, wasn't he just a newborn and now he is almost not an infant anymore. Now he is pulling himself up and causing mayhem. He says ba-ba, ma-ma, and da-da along with a whole bunch of other words. He can wave hi and bye. It seems like just yesterday he was a little 8lb 4oz boy and now he is as big as his two year old sister. Some days it seems like its easier to carry her around than him.

These past 11 months have been absolutely crazy. The joy of having a newborn turned into my baby has to have a major surgery in a couple weeks. That turned into meeting with various doctors and meeting multiple people that made sure he was going on the right track. Instead of just enjoying having our little boy we had to worry about him constantly. I had to worry if he was on track developmentally and then I had to worry about the complications that may come with surgery. I had to worry that we might not be able to celebrate a first year birthday with our little boy.

With all the worrying I did, I forgot to do one thing. Enjoy him. Enjoy his first words. Enjoy his little grins. Enjoy it when he learned how to crawl. Enjoy him saying ma-ma for the first time. Now don't get me wrong I took joy in all of those things but it was different than my other kids. The joy I felt was more of he was meeting his milestones. There was always this worrying that he might be delayed in some way so when he did what he was supposed to I was overjoyed. The thing all the doctors told me was to enjoy him, and I wasn't able to enjoy him in the way I wanted to. Even our craniofacial surgeons nurse (her daughter had craniosynostosis) told us to not worry and just enjoy him. It was just hard to do with constant reminders of what we were going to have to go through.

Now he is 11 months old and the surgery is behind us. There may be surgeries down the road but they wont be anything like what we had to go through. We DO get to celebrate his first birthday and it will be a major celebration. I am thinking over the top, but we will see what my husband thinks of my crazy ideas. I am making it superhero themed because the fact that Eli went through so much in his short life and still is a smiling happy baby makes him a hero. I swear these cranio babies have super powers. They light up rooms and are so strong. Their smiles and giggles are contagious!

I wouldn't give up what we have gone through in the past year. I know it sounds weird but I really wouldn't. We have met amazing people that will always have an impact on our lives. We get to spread the word about this rare condition and be able to talk to others that are going through this. We get to help support and show love to others. We get to brag about how strong our little boy was and what he has overcome. We get to HELP people. It is an amazing feeling to help others. The people we have met through this journey we will always cherish. We have become stronger through this journey and have learned to never take things for granted. Most of all we have learned to TRUST GOD. Sometimes it was hard for me to have faith, but in the end faith was what I needed most.

Just because my son already had his surgery doesn't mean that we don't have to do anything anymore. I have to take him to physical therapy twice a week for torticollis. Next month I have to take him to an ophthalmologist. He has to wear his helmet for another two months so I will have frequent visits with them to do any adjustments. A nurse still comes to our house once a month to track his development. It feels so good not to have to worry about having surgery though. There is now a peace in our household that we didn't have before. On this side of cranio our future looks so much brighter.

I am so happy that God decided to bless Brad and I with Eli. I am even grateful for all the struggles we have had. There are so many wishes I have for Eli and I have so much fun dreaming of his future. I love to dream what he is going to be like and all the great things he will do. Even though I wish this year could have slowed down I am so grateful for it.

I am so grateful for little cuddles and being able to have him fall asleep in my arms. I am so grateful for our little boy and all the mayhem and love that comes with him. 

Peace and Love,

Complete Randomness

This post is going to be very random. I have a ton of thoughts going on in my brain right now so I am just going to spill it all out on here. Here we go:

Random part 1:

Remember in my last post how I said we were having issues and asked you guys to pray for us? Well prayer worked! I am still not ready to completely tell what happened but needless to say everything turned out for the best. All I will say is it is sad when people use your kids to get to you. My husband and I are not perfect parents, but we do our best and our kids are in good hands. We would never ever (EVER!) do something to harm our kids. Enough said about that. 

Random Part 2:

On Wednesday we had a follow up appointment with Eli's surgeon. He is doing fantastic! They felt his head and was very surprised to find how hard it is. My husband joked "yep, just like his mom" and I just had to agree, not happily though. I am super hard headed sometimes but in this case it was a GREAT thing! We have to wear his helmet for another two months but then he will be helmet free by summer! We don't have to see his surgeon until next year for his 1 year follow up! He is right on track and we cannot thank God (and you guys for the support and prayers) enough. Oh and his hair is growing in really well now and his scar is getting less and less visible! I have been putting on a mixture of vitamin E, coconut oil, frankincense EO, lavender EO, and tea tree EO to try to help it heal and fade. I am really bad with remembering to put it on but I try to do it at least once daily. Here is a pic of it:

Random Part 3:

Eli's first birthday is coming up and I am so excited! My friends are helping me come up with ideas for a superhero party. I figured he is a little hero for everything he has been through (and still is the happiest baby ever) so why not have a super hero party! After the party I am going to take the decorations we come up with and decorate his room with them! I really like to reuse things as much as possible so I thought that was a great idea! I also want to try to make the cake and desserts myself. I know I can make cake balls pretty well. My MIL got me a cake decorating kit a couple years ago for Christmas so I want to actually use it (sorry Mom! I really do like it!) and make a cake and maybe some sugar cookies too. If anyone has any sweet recipes please let me know! Also if anyone that I know wants to be an official taste tester, uh please come on over and steal some of these goodies I am making. Please, before I end up gaining 100lbs. I will probably do another post just on his birthday and what I do. If I get really crafty I will post some tutorials on how to do it yourself. Yay!

Random Part 4:

Okay, so I know I talk a lot about God in my posts. I was reading through them and I saw that I do post at least something about God. When something is important to you, you can't help but talk about it. God is VERY important to me. God has always been in my life and I have always believed in him but I never put him as #1. My kids were always #1 and God was on my list of top 5 but he was near the end of that list. My life showed that. I did things that I am not proud of and made many mistakes. I still make mistakes but I do notice that once I started to put God as #1 my life has gotten so much better. I still have my ups and downs but I am proud of who I am today, which I couldn't always say that in the past. I post a lot about God because he is important to me. Sometimes I start out not even meaning to post about God but then I always do. I am not trying to shove my beliefs down your throat at all though. You have your own choices and there will be no judgement from me. If you do ever want someone to talk to though, I am here. 

Random Part 5:

This will be my last bit of randomness for today. I am so happy for the support I have gotten for Caring For Cranio. Honestly, when I started it I didn't know if it was even something I could do. I felt a need to want to help out but I didn't know how many people would be behind me on it. I am so thankful for my family and friends that took my crazy (and way overzealous) ideas and was behind me 100%! I have started to receive some homemade goodies to put in the care packages and I have two Southeast Detroit hospitals that are interested in getting my care packages! I still have a long ways to go with them and I still have to get some supplies to put in them to make them complete but I am so happy to those that want to help. I get carried away sometimes (okay, a lot of times) with what I want to do and I have BIG dreams for Caring for Cranio. I am just glad I have some help to make those dreams a reality. I really want to help these babies and families in any way possible and I believe with a little bit of help I really can. I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone that has supported me in this venture. It means so much to me that so many of you have my back in this! I am working still to become a 501(c)3 but it takes some time, and a lot of money. If anyone has any ideas of fundraisers I can do please let me know! 

As always thank you for taking the time to read my crazy posts. My husband pointed out the other day that some wording that I use is weird and sometimes my post don't always make sense. I guess just like I am weird and I don't always make sense lol. Thanks for reading anyways! ;-)

Peace and Love,

Acts of Worship

Hey hey hey! I am so sorry I haven't been able to post. Life has just been crazy and ridiculous lately. The Beaumont job didn't end up working out so I am going to stick with being a stay at home mom and oil crazy person for right now. God has a plan, this I am sure. I don't know what it is but one day I will realize everything that has been going on, has been for a reason.

We are also dealing with some family issues right now. I am not going to say what they are, but if you could say a little prayer for our family I would really appreciate it. I might tell you guys about it in the future but right now, I am just not comfortable with it. We are all healthy. Outside forces are really trying to break things apart for us. I know God is there with us and he will guide us through this but extra prayer is always helpful.

Wednesday we got to find out a lot of what our family was dealing with. It was a frustrating, saddening, and just plain stupid day. I am lucky I have some amazing people in our corner but I am still worried about what is going to happen. So, our church sometimes does these worship nights. It has been a while since they had one and what do you know on the day we needed it the most we were able to attend a worship night. Wednesday night was amazing and after the horrible day we had, it was wonderful to go and worship God.

So, what is worship? Worship to me is expressing my love for God. Okay, so I am going to get off topic here but it is for a reason, I promise. My pastor speaking is amazing. He is a wonderful speaker and he puts the Bible into terms I understand. He is also so funny. If this whole pastor thing doesn't work out I would recommend him becoming an comedian. For reals. I will admit I have never been able to read through the Bible. I can read all day but when I open the Bible I cannot make it more than a few pages. What I do read I would not be able to remember it for the life of me. I just get so confused and honestly, a bit bored. Being able to go to a church that the pastor can explain the Bible into terms I understand is crucial to me being close to God. Listening to Pastor Jeff speak is my second favorite part of going to church.

I have probably confused you. Second? You just went on about how much you enjoy it and how amazing it is. Yes, that is true but worship is my favorite part of church. We have an amazing band that is 100% volunteers that go to our church. They are not trying to make it big in the music world they just want to bring people closer to God through music. A night that focuses on my absolute favorite part of church was amazing.

I know a lot of my "friends" are atheist. I am mostly talking about my Facebook friends that's why the hyphens are there. I understand that. No, I wont try to force you to believe in God when you don't want to. I am telling you that you are missing out on something amazing by not having that faith in your life. You might think that you are whole, but there is a hole that God fills in you. I am very science minded. I love science and it has always interested me. I also like to think logically which sometimes it can interfere with my faith. The thing about faith that I am beginning to understand is it's a feeling. No, sometimes its not logical at all. That's why they call it faith instead of proof. It's a belief you have. It's something that carries its way through you. It is a part of you.

Okay, okay so I have gotten way off of topic. Geesh now back to what I was saying. Worship is my absolute favorite part of church. Our band plays current music and they are totally rock stars. Seriously, they are amazing! Real quick, you guys should tell me how many times I put amazing in this post. I think its my word of the day. Anyways, I love being able to sing my favorite songs worshiping the Lord. On Wednesday night after the horrible day a worship night was just what I needed. We took the two little ones to the nursery and we were able to take our oldest with us into the auditorium. They started out with a couple songs and then they blindfolded us.

Literally. They put blindfolds on our seat and had each of us put them on. They said you didn't have to if you didn't want to but all the cool kids were doing it. Haha I kid, I kid. They did want us to put it on but we didn't have to. They wanted us to wear blindfolds because some people are more worried about what others think instead of letting themselves worship God in the way they feel like they should. With everyone blindfolded that meant that nobody was there to look at you funny or say that you were being weird. Not that they were doing it anyways but sometimes you feel like they are. Honestly, I have never been one to put my hands up or bow down or do any of that. I have never gotten a strong urge to do that. Maybe, you do it out of respect for God but I feel like there should be emotion in it and not doing it because you feel like that is what your supposed to do. With that said, I cry during worship instead of that. A lot. I mean a lot, a lot. A lot more than I would like to admit. Seriously, almost every service. I think you guys get the point.

I just feel so much emotion during worship that I seriously cannot hold it in. So, I didn't put my hands up or anything like that but I did hold on to my daughters hand and I was able to shed some tears without being self conscious about it. Well, until we had to take off the blindfolds but luckily it was dark still in there. It was an amazing experience and I really felt closer to God.

Now let me tell you a little about my experience during worship. There are so many things I felt that night. I felt whole. I felt loved. I felt that everything was going to be okay. Whatever happens, it happens for a reason. For the first time that day I felt okay with that. I don't always feel okay with it but that night I did. I also felt breathless. I felt my heart racing. I felt it beating so hard I thought it was going to beat out of my chest. All of those in a good way. It's like kind of hearing someone you love say they love you for the first time. Or holding your baby for the first time that you felt kicking inside of you and you loved before you even met them. It is a beautiful feeling. Also I wanted to sing out. I wanted to sing as loud as I could and even on the new songs I have never heard before. I wanted to sing them. I wanted to sing them to God.  I felt completely whole.

I want everyone to be able to experience that. That is the whole reason why I say that you are missing out. You might not feel like you are. That is okay, no judgment here. I just know I was. I know that I have never had an experience like that. I didn't think I was missing out, but I was. Chances are even without thinking it you are missing out too. I have made mistakes in my life. I still make mistakes. I know no matter how many mistakes I make, I am loved. I will always be loved. Wednesday night, I felt that love.

I feel like there is so much more that I want to write but I still cannot put words to it. I hope if you are having a rough time in life that you can turn to God. If you have had a bad experience at church, then go find another one. Trust me if you you look you will find one that speaks to you. You don't have to have a church to find God but it is an amazing thing to find a church you feel a part of. The most important part is God wants a relationship with us, not a religion. Right now my church (Heritage Church in Sterling Heights, MI) is doing a service called no perfect people allowed. It is an amazing service so if you are in the area I highly suggest you check it out. You can also watch video's online at experienceheritiage.org.


Peace and Love,

Strength Is Not Always A Good Thing

I am the type of person that feels the need to always be strong. I hate crying and I hardly ever ask for help. I hardly ever accept help either when others offer, even though I REALLY need it sometimes. During this past year dealing with Cranio I barely cried. I always felt like I had to be strong and when I did cry it was because I couldn't stop myself or hold it in any longer. 

I felt that if I let myself be saddened or cry about it that I wouldn't be able to be there as much for Eli. I made it my job to learn as much as I could about craniosynostosis but it was all from a clinical standpoint and not an emotional one. Everyone that I had talked to about it kept on saying that they would be a bawling mess and they didn't know how I was handling it so well. I thought that being strong was something to be proud of but really it isn't. Holding on to all that fear and sadness just makes you explode in the end and I realized that I was doing nobody any good by trying to be strong. 

I didn't even think to try to join a support group or find one on Facebook. I am kind of embarrassed to admit this but I only joined a group on Facebook because I was trying to complete a task given to me by my up-line for my business. I am so glad that I did join that group and it has been such a great resource that I almost missed out on. I spent hours trying to decide whether or not to apply for a care package by Cranio Care Bears. I wouldn't have even known about them if I hadn't joined the group. I ended up getting a care package from them and I cherish everything that was in it. Especially the prayer ribbon. It has a special place in Eli's room now:

With Eli's condition the number one thing I thought about was that other families have it so much worse than I do. That I shouldn't be as scared or mad or sad because his condition is fixable. Somehow others pain made me think I couldn't have any pain myself. It made me think I was being disrespectful to those who have lost their children or are dealing with worse if I was sad about Eli. Doing that really hindered me. I have learned not to compare myself and my situation to others. It was really hard to break that but it is really important. I am allowed to cry and feel sad about my son going through a major surgery. No, that wont be rude or disrespectful to other families that are having problems. It is a scary thing no matter who has it worse than I do.

Even now that I am on the other-side I feel like I have to do it all. I really never ask for help and if someone offers it my first instinct is to say no. All it does is make me very stressed out and then I tend to yell and be angry more. I need to learn how to rely on others. That is what God wants us to do. If he didn't want us to have companions and friends then he would have just stuck with Adam. Humans are made to seek companionship. 

I guess my main reason for this post is to tell everyone, you don't have to do it all. You don't have to be ashamed of crying. You can depend on others when you need them. This is something I have to tell myself even more. How you feel does matter and there are good people out there that will help you. There is a lot of fear in this world, but there is a lot of good too. 

Now that I got that off my chest I wanted to do an update on Eli. He is healing really good! I am so proud of him each day. He is now pulling himself to stand and he has two teeth that came in! We decided to get him a helmet to protect his head because he is a crazy little man. We got that this week and he also started therapy this week for torticollis. Torticollis is when one side of your neck doesn't stretch or move as much than the other so your head tilts a little bit. We now are going to physical therapy twice a week and learning how to stretch out those muscles so that his head is straight. He still doesn't know what to think about his helmet, or physical therapy. 

I love his helmet. I think it looks really cool. I am hoping he gets used to it quickly. Well, naptime for the kids is over and I am being called. Until next time, whenever that may be. Thanks for taking time to read!

Peace and Love, 

Being God Smacked

This past year has been a roller coaster for me. I have had some of the best moments and some of the worst. I have had a baby then had to take my baby in for a major surgery. I truly believe everything happens for a reason. There is a plan in place and sometimes its not the plan we want. It doesn't mean it isn't a great thing that leads to much happiness but at the time it doesn't seem so great. I never thought I would say this...but I am so thankful for what we have gone through in the past year. 

I am not going to lie, it has been extremely rough. I have had to welcome my little boy into this world just to fear that I would lose him. I have had to put his life in someones hands that I barely even know. It has been a scary, hard, and sad year. It has also gave me a reason to help others. I am the type that strives to help others. If I see a car accident, I am going to see what I can do to help. If I see someone in need then I will give them my last $5 to help them out. I saw that doctors don't really know what cranio is. I saw that sometimes they wont listen to parents telling them that something is not right. Going through what I have has given me an opportunity to spread awareness and be able to help out other families. For that I am thankful.

There are times when I feel like I am being pushed towards a certain way. I like to call this God smacked, it makes me laugh when I call it that but that's what I feel like it is. I feel God leads us down the path we are supposed to go. We can determine whether that path is the one we take because we can make our own decisions but I feel sometimes things just line up so wonderfully that it has to be God. I have been a stay at home mom for almost three years now. I love being with my kids but I have been wanting to go back to work and be able to financially contribute to our family. I also worked really hard for my degree and I love doing the medical assisting and phlebotomy. 

Here is where I have been God smacked. I have looked around everywhere for a medical assisting job because that was the main part of my degree. I have looked into phlebotomy but if I am being honest, not as hard as medical assisting. I have not been able to find a medical assisting job. Then I became pregnant with Eli. Eli was a welcome blessing but also one that we were not expecting. So, just as I was able to go look into my career again I had to put it on hold to welcome another member into our house. Then cranio happened. It took all these plans I had and turned them completely upside down. There are so many emotions that I have had but who would have thought in the midst of this all I would feel joy. I have been able to figure out how to help others and have felt so much joy and pride seeing my son's recovery. I already knew he was amazing and this just proves it more. 

I absolutely love Beaumont hospital. Beaumont will always have a special place in my heart for what they have done for my family and my son. There are a few wonderful hospitals in Southeast Michigan that helps out cranio families but God pushed me to Beaumont for a reason. I actually did call another hospital and scheduled an appointment to see them. It would be about a month to see them and they didn't mention doing an x-ray or anything they were going to just check him out first under the diagnosis of plagiocephaly. It was a gut feeling to also call Beaumont and when I talked to the nurse there she got me in the very next week and made us go in for an x-ray. She said that it could very much be plagio but prepare for cranio and her daughter had craniosynostosis so she knows how scary it is. At that moment I just felt drawn to Beaumont and I feel that was God nudging me to go there. 

While we were in the hospital Eli had to have blood drawn. The phlebotomist came in and I was talking to her and I mentioned that I had a phlebotomy degree. She immediately gave me her email and said to message her a copy of my resume. I mentioned that I wanted a part time job, and that I had to be at home with the kids while my husband was at work. Most of the time that is an issue but she said that they are hiring for a part time phlebotomist right now and the hours are 4-8am or 7-11pm. Those hours were perfect and I leaned more towards the 7-11 shift so we wouldn't have to get a babysitter at all. When we got home I immediately gave her my resume and they set me up for an interview. 

When I got to my interview I was very nervous. I don't have much experience and I cannot work on Friday. Not working Friday was an issue. I thought I did horrible on my interview because I pretty much did the opposite of what they tell you to do. Instead of giving short precise answers to questions I rambled. I got off track and I forgot what I was going to say. I thought I was a mess. I have kept up on my degree. I look up something pertaining to my degree each month and every time Eli had to have something done I watched what they did. They asked me what the procedure was for a blood draw and I walked them through it. They were impressed that I was able to remember it so well for not having done it in 3 years. They thanked me for coming out and I left the interview thinking that I failed it but putting it in Gods hands. 

There is a reason why one thing led to another. I just kept that in mind that when something works out so perfectly it's out of my hands. I learned that when we got our house last year after 4 other houses that we put offers on didn't work out. I love where I live and I love my neighbors so that was also a time where I feel we had been God smacked. I just got a call yesterday and I am happy to announce that I start at Beaumont next month! I am excited and nervous but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be. 

That huge story (that got off track a couple times, sorry) is just to say sometimes when life isn't going the way you want it to put it in Gods hands. Even if you don't believe in God just try it. Try to become more like Jesus (which I think is what everyone should strive for whether we believe in him or not) and when life leads you down one way then go with it. There are times where it is going to be hard and you are going to ask "why me?" and feel like your whole world is crashing down. The thing is your world does not crash down and it can lead you to amazing things. Even if you don't have a plan just remember God does. You just have to listen. I am so thankful for my family and especially my little man. I am thankful for my journey and I am excited to see where God leads me next. I am so thankful for all my children but I am thankful for God blessing me with Eli. He might have not have been expected, but my life is now full because he is in it. 

Sometimes our biggest blessings are the ones we don't plan or weren't expecting. Just something to keep in mind. 

Peace and Love, 

Being A Not Perfect Parent

Over the past week I have been thinking about my kids and the impossible task of being a perfect parent. I love all my kids more than anything in this world and I want more than anything to be a perfect parent to them. I have a fantasy about how a perfect parent should act. The more and more I build up this fantasy the more I realize that I will never be this perfect parent. With realizing this I decided to write an apology to my children listing some of my bad mommy moments.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy has road rage sometimes. I realized this has become a problem when at every red light (or just stopping) you yell "COME ON!" I will try to do better in the future.

Dear Eli, I am sorry that I have dropped my phone on your face while cuddling when you were a younger baby. Now that you have had surgery, I will not hold my phone directly above us while cuddling.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry that I am so hard on you. I just want you to grow up to be a caring and responsible person. I know I need to settle down and let you be a kid.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy and daddy (sorry dear, but I am not going to take full blame for this one) swear. When we went to the doctors office and when you were playing a game on mommy's phone, every time you messed up you would say "da*mit." After I picked my jaw up off of the floor I realized we should really watch what we say, even if we say it by accident.

Dear Eli, I am sorry that I am now making you sleep in your own bed and in your own room. I wanted to be that perfect parent that never had their child sleep with them and their children were happy and comfortable in their own beds. I wasn't able to do that with you and now I hope you forgive me for letting you cry it out. Mama is so tired and needs sleep.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry for taking control over a lot of things you do. I know I can be over bearing at times and I need to be okay with letting you make your own decisions. You are a big girl and you should be given that opportunity more.

Dear Emelia, I am sorry that mommy doesn't always take you outside and plan super fun days with you. Sometimes the days get overwhelming and I am very busy. I will try to do at least one fun thing with you a day.

Dear Eli, mommy is sorry that sometimes she needs a break from you. I wish I could handle spending every moment of every day with you but I cant. Sometimes mommy needs alone time.

Dear Bridgette, I am sorry that you see daddy and mommy argue sometimes. It doesn't mean anything bad is going to happen to our family, it just means that we have an issue we need to work out. We will try to handle differences in a different way but know that no matter what we both love you.

Now that I aired out some of my faults (not all of them because you would be reading this for days) I wanted to name at least one thing I love about each of my kids.

Bridgette, I love how smart you are and how much you love to learn. I am so proud of you every day and how much effort you give when it comes to schooling. I cant wait to see what you grow up to be.

Emelia, I am so proud of how caring you are. I know that if anyone gets hurt (even hurt feelings) you are there to give them a huge huge and kiss and make them feel better. Your compassion towards others is a great thing and I hope you never loose it.

Eli, I am so proud of such a strong little guy you are. You have gone though so much and you are not even a year old yet. You spend every day with a smile on your face and you don't let things faze you. That strength you keep with you will take you places. Just don't think you always have to be strong, even the strongest people need help sometimes.

Every day I hope that my children grow up knowing how much I love them. I might yell at times and lose my cool but my love for them will never waver. Some days I need to realize that my children are just as imperfect as I am and that is what makes us wonderfully human. The faults we have make us who we are just as much as the accomplishments. To all those other mommies out there that are struggling with trying to be the perfect parent. You might make mistakes but you are a wonderful parent and as long as you LOVE your children, the mistakes you make wont matter much.

Peace and Love,